His Name Was John

31 07 2012

We were making out.

Now, that’s what we in media like to call an introduction!

I had strut into his hotel room and we were making out. I turned around to look out the wide expanse of Vegas strip before me to reflect on a delightful evening of five-star cuisine and karaoke; taking in a solitary moment of peace expressed only in silence.

Then, just as that peace was settling in, I turned around to discover him naked, waiting on the bed like a golden retriever. Despite his silver Jaguar and well-groomed chest hair, I had no choice.

Seriously John?

I went for the door.

“What am I supposed to do about this?” he said, motioning down to a problem that I did not care to solve.

I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

I was celebrating in Hollywood, eating Pinkberry at a private party for a teen star when gracefully a tall dark figure approached me. To my surprise I looked up to see Master P enjoying a cool cup of frozen yogurt.

Master P and I apparently like the same toppings.

It is in my quest for truth, happiness, the meaning of life and everything else that one must discover, that I shake myself up off the floor and realize I am nowhere near nirvana.

From time-to-time I find myself in very strange places with very strange people who act very strange.

But I am no exception.


The San Diego Reader and Pacific Magazine recently published – and paid for, some of my writing that included swear words and phrases inciting phallic illustration. This is of great importance to my self-esteem and my conviction:

Anything is possible.

And if these strange events are not some inclination to that effect then I have no idea what to believe anymore.

The Libertarian Party was hosting a convention in a hotel I was staying at. Coincidentally, I got to meet Barbara Branden, one of the editors involved in Ayn Rand’s masterpiece, Atlas Shrugged. I felt weightless as I sat next to her enjoying a documentary on capitalism and objective ideology. Branden and Rand were close friends.

I wanted to touch her.

The only time I allow my mind to rest is while running around a lake, a lake that by all accounts will soon evaporate completely, and from the dry reeds not too far off the red dirt path I saw a deer. I had no idea it was possible to sustain mature deer in the middle of a drying lakebed next to a huge shopping mall.

But apparently it is.

How interesting.

I don’t know…

Who is John Galt?





One response

18 09 2013
Sex on the Internet | Whitneybutler's Blog

[…] awkward encounters that make for hilarious stories—my college professor, the military assassin, random men named John and so on. Turns out, I can get kind of sentimental betwixt all the ironic humor and dangerous […]

Think you got the guts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: